A Random Rant

Yesterday I got a free American Baby magazine in the mail. I don't know how all these companies find out when you are expecting a baby, but they do. My mailbox has been inundated with formula coupons, baby supply catalogs, and coupons to local stores. As annoying as it can sometimes be, all the junk mail are not what inspire this rant. It is the blasted magazine.

It started before I even opened it. A cover headline proclaimed, "Sexy, YES, Sexy Maternity Swimsuits." I am frigging pregnant!  I am shaped liked a beached whale with stretch marks and a belly button that sticks out like a turkey timer. This is not sexy. It is bad enough that every woman's magazine in the world is telling me I have to be sexy but now I have to be sexy while I'm pregnant? I don't think so. Isn't sexy what got me in this mess in the first place?

They also had an article about "What nobody tells you about being a mom (but we will)". I was hoping for something good, like pooping during labor or getting hemorrhoids. Nope, they let me know that I wouldn't be getting any sleep and I might not love my baby on sight. Um, thanks. I didn't realize that babies woke up at night. I was sure that was just an old wives' tale.

My main hangup though was how much more difficult they make it sound to raise a baby. Having a baby is difficult enough without people telling you how you need an expensive new stroller, the must-haves in your diaper bag (if I put all that stuff in my bag I would never get it through the door) and all the dangers lurking around every corner. Among which were: never go down a slide with your baby on your lap because you might break her leg and never let a child under two climb anything taller then her on the playground. It is just too dangerous. Really, people? I've got enough valid hangups about safety and so does every other mother out there. Please don't add your made-up dangers.

I feel bad for all the first-time moms who got this magazine. At child number four I can scoff at this magazine, but when you are having your first, everything seems to be dangerous. Please American Baby and other such publications, quit making it harder than it already is.